Noel Gallagher finally explained why his new band-mate plays the scissors

ON HALLOWEEN NIGHT, BBC started a lot of trouble between Liam and Noel Gallagher, as well as hordes of their fans.

It began when BBC uploaded a video from Noel Gallagher’s High Flying Birds to Youtube. For a couple of seconds in this video, a woman can be seen playing the scissors. 

As per usual, Liam publicly ripped the piss out of Noel for having a scissors player and joked that he’d sharpen a pencil at his gig, or bring someone on stage to peel a potato. A fan at his show in Bethnal Green peeled a potato in the crowd. Something we can probably now expect to see happening for years to come at Liam Gallagher gigs.

Now, Noel has tried to explain why he’s got a woman snipping a scissors at his gigs.

The new band member is an eccentric French woman (of course) and Noel met her and asked  ‘Can you play the tambourine?’ and she said ‘I cannot play the tambourine.’ He explained to i-D that he then said ‘Oh, right. Shaker?’ to which she replied ‘Non. I can play the scissors.’

Well, she got considerably more attention than pretty much any other tambourine or shaker player in the world for her strange talent.

I was looking at my bass player going, if that’s not the greatest thing you’ve ever seen then tell me what is. A French bird in a cape playing the scissors? It doesn’t get any better than that, does it?

He added “If you were from Peckham, you would be obliged to intellectualise it. You would be at the mercy of intellectualising it.” The more Noel says about it, and the more he uses the word ‘intellectualises’, the more your mind slips back to Liam mocking him by saying “It’s all right if you’re twenty and off your head on mushrooms and that, but the guy’s 50 now man.”

However, he completely defends his choice.

I know what I’m doing. I’m not about to get on stage and play an arena with a bird in a cape playing the scissors, unless it’s great. I’m not a f**king idiot.

Another highlight of Noel’s i-D interview is the fact that he compares Liam’s song ‘Wall of Glass’ to ‘Adele shouting into a bucket’, before comparing him to Niall Horan.

I’m not sure I can be arsed formulating an opinion on a record that’s written by an army of songwriters. Isn’t the one from One Direction doing that? The little Irish fella with the acoustic? At least he  has the decency to play a guitar.